Sagacious Prevaricators Gathering Gourds,

The East Fifecestershire Mail advertised a £1000 prize poetry competition; poems are to concern the Kingdom of Fife. My inspiration came from a scene I witnessed in a Gonzo-stylee on the way to the car. I think my entry will be called ‘Perils at the Garden Gate’. Once I think of some metaphors, imagery and make it arty, I will send in my entry but I have already accepted defeat, because I’m keepin’ it real, it will be written off.

Onwards to the city, I stood in the vestibule of the train alongside two goth types. As the train stopped at Haymarket, I heard a wife tell her elderly husband, after his muffled question, ‘He is heterosexual.’ The older generation shouldn’t be so judgemental or try to pigeonhole the youth of today.

My aim was to pick up some tickets for a forthcoming Fringe Festival visit and to combine it with some niceties. The first part involved queuing at the box office for a ticket to see John Hegley at lunchtime, it was horrific and I’d recommend pre-booking. Queuing to leaves buyers exposed to leaflet people, I retreated into my book but even then, tolerating them is quite a task. I understand that this work has to be done, but I become weighed down with pieces of paper. After the purchase, and then the pick-up, I went out onto the Royal Mile, I bought some guava flavour Rubicon juice and some Vimto chews, both tasted very nice.

A large crowd hard gathered to watch a street act, it was Vince Henderson and two other lads. I’ve seen the act twice by chance in recent years, they are highly amusing and, of course, skilled and courageous. Vince eats an apple while juggling it simultaneously with two knives but the climax of the show comes when one of the men rides a 15 foot high unicycle, another upon an 8 foot high unicycle and Vince, a wheelie bin as they juggle flaming torches.

To pass some more time, I walked down to the Parliament building. I love this building but it’s interesting to see it develop. The grass is allowed to grow in some areas of the gardens, some tourists moan. The stone on the building has lost its gleaming appearance; I wonder if this will be for improve or detract from the building’s character, I suspect the latter.

John Hegley was excellent but the room was half full. I think John Hegley is an ideal show to attend; if people have come to Embra specifically for the comedy, most of their schedule will be taken up my night time events, but John Hegley offers a hilarious, witty show full of poems, songs, ad hoc, off-the-cuff remarks and intelligent chat that the whole family can enjoy during what might be an empty daytime agenda. One of the peculiar things about John's shows is that he begins by rearranging the audience (bringing them nearer) and ensuring that they are not going to cause disruption (eating goat's cheese). He always divides the audience into sections for some of his quality items, before this has been A, B and C, this time it was the glasses wearers (the holy ones), the contact lens wearers (the scum) and the rest (laser gazers were allowed to define their own affinities).

Afterwards, I wandered around the shops but it wasn’t for me. I wanted to be outdoors on a rare sunny day, my shorts had ripped so I went home.