Generators of the Reggae Miseries,

What is known of your potential member of parliament? The Alternative Land Use Party is yet to launch any manifesto and as such any support for the party is currently misguided, however, that may be about to change. The Alternative Land Use Party was formed after the leader designate voted for a particular candidate in his local council elections and that candidate came last with 60 votes.

Statisticians could probably say that the chances of 59 other people voting for this particular candidate by randomly crossing the box next to their name by mistake aren't too low. The disillusioned voter decided that he would one day run in the election and win (or at least get more than 60 votes) and so the Alternative Land Use Party came into existence. Not only did the leader vow to run in the election, he vowed the campaign slogan would be "That Pigeon Went For Me". Apparently, this originated because the leader was one day mixing with the gentry on the local shopping plaza and a pigeon swooped at him but he ducked. Members of the public, the electorate, were astounded by the athleticism and agility demonstrated. Indeed, the nation would be a better place if the public always demonstrated the type of courage and skill, the leader demonstrated in order to come through his ordeal.

What are the Alternative Land Use Party thinking in this current political climate? Of great significance in Scotland is the introduction of the smoking ban for all public places on March 27. This is indeed a welcome move by the government, however, it does not go far enough. The Alternative Land Use Party propose a ban on smoking while driving. If drivers are rightly judged unable to fully concentrate on the road while using a mobile phone or eating, surely this must apply to drivers who smoke behind the wheel. Opening a packet, with that awkward sellophane wrapper, extracting a nicotine stalk and lighting it must be a trial. Moving the thing to breathe in the ghastly smoke and constantly flicking of ash surely incapacitates at least one hand - a hand that should be used on gear changes, signalling, control of lights and wipers. Smokers are a danger to themselves and others on the roads. Banning smoking behind the wheel would get rid of the awful sight of idiots flicking their cigarette butts out the window to tarnish the environment.