Dependents of Acephalous Navigators,

The bird flu crisis is over, apparently the dead bird was a whooper swan and not a mute swan, and therefore the public can relax. I find this latest news on the bird flu case absurd, I cannot understand what they can deduce from this. The majority of whooper swans are not native to Britain, they usually breed in Arctic regions of North America, Russia and Greenland but crucially, some remain in Scotland all year round, so unless this specific bird has been tagged and its movements have been tracked, I feel it is inaccurate to say the H5N1 virus came from abroad, this is a clever example of government spin – they’re trying to start bird racism, that’s what this is, I anticipate Nick Griffin making a speech in the next few hours. Additionally, I’m shocked that someone could not say whether the bird was a mute swan or a whooper swan when it was found last week; a whooper swan has a yellow beak and a mute swan has an orange beak. BBCi have published a list of “The 10 Species Most Likely to Bring Bird Flu to Britain” – they have not, however, advised a shoot-on-sight policy yet, this may be introduced in the Channel 4 TV adaptation to be hosted by Jimmy Carr.

The other bird to avoid is the eagle owl that has escaped from its owner in Linlithgow, near Edinburgh. This species is quite magnificent; they stand 3ft tall and have a 5ft wingspan. They are capable of taking foxes and small deer as prey thus the police have advised that the bird is not approached by members of the public. This species is normally resident to mainland Europe but as shown in a brilliant BBC2 Natural World documentary, there are a number of eagle owls actually breeding in Yorkshire, so perhaps in the future, they may become as abundant as buzzards on these shores. It’s almost impossible to go anywhere outside the towns in Fifecestershire without seeing at least one buzzard, this would not have been the case 10 years ago. Eagle owls are known to prey on buzzards so their population may be affected should eagle owl spread.

I saw one of my favourite birds today, a dipper, when I headed up Kennoway Den before dinner. Kennoway Den is a steep-sided glen, which follows a tributary of the River Leven, it’s actually quite an important place, and the Scottish Wildlife Trust showed a lot of interest in the area last year, because of a rare species of butterfly that was spotted. I really like dippers and the way the zip up and down the rivers, they are quite unique and seem perfectly suited to their habitats. Also, while on this walk, I moved a fallen branch from a pathway to allow an oncoming cyclist to pass freely, the cyclist was quite ungrateful and did not thank me.

Whilst I was being obtuse this morning, I upset a legend so perhaps I was not deserving of courtesy. I may have slightly offset this by riling a pompous idiot during the same burst of awkwardness, but overall, I was disappointed with myself.

I was also disappointed with the filum Taxi Driver which I watched over the weekend, I don’t know why I watched this, it was on after The West Wing on More4 and I obviously was too lazy to look for something else to watch. I haven’t the patience for filums – they’re too long and I often feel they’re just disjointed highlights packages of better books. This was how I felt after Taxi Driver, I looked to see if it was based on a book but did not uncover anything. The filum confused me: he starts of falling in love with a woman, he has enough of that idea, he randomly decided to buy some guns, he decided to assassinate a Senator, he has enough of that idea, he then gets a haircut and decides to save a young prostitute by going on a murderous rampage – at the end, I wanted the protagonist imprisoned, why wasn’t he jailed? Apparently, commandoes get that haircut when they’re going to be doing something special, I’m only going out to play 5-a-side football now, every performance I turn in is special and I’ve never needed a haircut like that.

Today's photo is of the Bawbee Bridge, Leven.