Dismissive Gadders and the Ecclesiastical Paradoxes,

I watched Sunday AM yesterday. Jack Straw was a guest of Andrew Marr. If I didn't know otherwise, from his demeanour and mannerisms, I'd have guessed that he was a Tory; he doesn't seem to the kind of person who represents the working classes that Labour had traditionally battled for. Nevertheless, Straw gave an immaculate performance, of the kind that would make him a Tony Blair dream player - he spoke diplomatically, derided Conservative policy, praised the work of New Labour and revealed nothing of Labour's plans to deal with the House of Lords. I'd abolish the House of Lords, its mere existence debases any democracy that exists in this country. In many ways, I feel politics and the work of our politicians is futile because there are too many people between Tony Blair and the consumer, the commuter, the patient, the pupil and the employee who don't do their jobs properly and will never do their jobs properly and their lassitude is as damaging as the House of Lords. At recent annual Alternative Land Use Party conference in Kilconquhar, the members seriously debated dropping the party slogan, "That Pigeon Went for Me" in favour of "You Started It" but it was decided the public would not react favourably to being blamed for everything.

Eventually it rained heavily yesterday, fortunately just after the Kirkcaldy Astroturf 7-a-side Football League, to which I have recently been signed up to patrol the backline of the second worst team in the second lowest division. We were defeated 8-3, mainly due to the father and two sons combination that operates within the team. They were at fault for everything but will always remain beyond reproach.

My day consisted of reclaiming some of the sleep I had missed out upon over the weekend and then going to St. Andrews for lunch. Afterwards, I meandered around the town. I visited the remains of St. Andrews cathedral, the only parts that still stand are the east and west gables and a stretch of nave wall, yet upon passing through the west gable, I still had the sense I was inside something quite majestic although I have no interest in organised religion. Also within the cathedral grounds, stands St. Rules Church, which can be climbed by members of the public after purchasing tokens from the visitor centre, and there's something ironic about how its bland structure has outlasted the grand cathedral. Drifting around the gravestones and memorials, I to comtemplated my own wishes upon death: a short affair down at Methil Docks or a burial beside a grandiose monument, possibly a full-scale granite replica of my old Citroen AX, with an epitaph on the driver's door reading, "SJ 1983-2008 Your Loss". After the gratuitous morbidness, I walked around the harbour, and climbed the ladder onto the sea wall to look out upon the Blue Flag beaches and the estuary, over which F3 Tornadoes are frequently seen roaring in and out of RAF Leuchars. St. Andrews is a great town, even though it's nearby and I've been there many times, I wish I had brought my camera. It was an enjoyable way to spend the day, even if I didn't purchase a passionfruit sorbet ice cream cone from the legendary Luvian's Ice Cream Parlour.

Wandering by the Old Course, I saw a car drive across a fairway, it struck me as an odd occurrence that a road used by public vehicles should exist on the revered golf course, but on remembering the BBC's Coast, I recall being informed that the Old Course is common land and people can legitimately graze their cattle or hang their washing out on it. Coast was an excellent programme and although it didn't feature enough of Scotland for my liking, it did show St. Andrews golf courses and its beaches, where a Polish man discussed the invention of the mine detector in Fife by the Polish Army based here during the war. There were brief glimpses of Leven, Methil and West Weymss during flyover shots as they travelled towards the Forth Railway Bridge. I'm glad that a second series of Coast is planned.