Turbid Nomads Sceptical of Sharks,

It’s been a terrible week since the demise of my administration; I must intensify the implementation of a new regime. The arduousness climaxed yesterday at the first match of the SPL season: Celtic versus Kilmarnock.

Paper tickets are a thing of the past, the new admission system works by scanning barcodes of membership cards – the new admission system should work by scanning barcodes of membership cards. Humanity should never be taken for granted. It’s nice to be nice. Patience is a virtue and humility is priceless.

Never believe the hype. Celtic scored 4 goals and Kilmarnock only managed 1. Mo Camara was useless.

Father Ted moments serve a purpose.

Roddy Woomble’s new album, My Secret is my Silence, is a piece of brilliance and worthy of recognition.

The last ever episode of The West Wing made me feel proud to be American.

A coastal bogtrot today helped me in my ongoing battle to achieve one of my most steadfast ambitions: to never become fat. Two of my other unwavering ambitions are: to see the Northern Lights and to make it back to the home planet, but a trek from Earlsferry to Anstruther and back again during daylight was never going to help me realize these goals. It appears the walk was not without its controversies either.

Flamin’ Norah!