Shallow Musicologists Swayed by Accolades,

The elite of the music industry gathered in the restaurant at Harthill Services on the M8 for The Bellyaches Music Prize 2006 ceremony hosted by Bryan Burnett on Tuesday evening.

The albums nominated for the prize, a photo of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs signed by the event organiser and a video of Apollo 13 as taped off the telly, were as follows:

Moon Mountain by The Pendulums: This album by The Pendulums, which is full of songs about socks and witches, is as refreshing as a stalk of rhubarb.

The Campfire Headphase by Boards of Canada: If all the birds were to die, the government would be forced to act; they’d choose to play this album by Boards of Canada over loudspeakers across the land, on the loveliest of mornings.

KC Rules OK by King Creosote: The Kingdom of Fife’s ruling monarch transports everyone to a harbour wall on the Fife’s idyllic east coast with an ice cream in their hand and a bag of wine gums in their pocket with this delightful album.

Let’s Get Out of This Country by Camera Obscura: It’s a shame when this album by Camera Obscura ends, it’s worth more than a bottle of whisky from Pat Nevin.

My Secret is my Silence by Roddy Woomble: Roddy Idlewild from Woomble’s solo album was created whilst wearing a bobble hat. Roddy’s favourite word “century”, or any of its derivatives, features at least once.

Do Whatever Turns You On by Aberfeldy: Aberfeldy have crafted an album that, if dispatched the correct agents, could stop a war.

Bucko by Fickle Public: Fickle Public take the rest of the proles on a musical adventure that proves that they can get used to something new and loud once they’re properly woken up.

The Life Pursuit by Belle & Sebastian: Belle & Sebastian are great. This album is a progression of their talents that still remains true to their signature sound.

Wolves by My Latest Novel: The arrangements on My Latest Novel’s album are as stunning as a fine painting by Vincent Van Gogh.

Ballad of the Broken Seas by Isobel Campbell and Mark Lanegan: Isobel Campbell does some of the words and Mark Lanegan does the rest, it was a partnership that worked well.

Mr Beast by Mogwai: This majestic collection of rock instrumentals by Mogwai can only be bettered by things that are very, very good.

Fangs by Dawn of the Replicants: This album by Dawn of the Replicants is as life-enhancing a satsuma.

After their Wimpy burgers, the judges retired to the overhead walkway to decide the destination of the coveted prize. And after much deliberation by the judges, My Latest Novel were appointed winners of the prestigious Bellyaches Music Prize 2006. Gary of the group said, ‘Awards are only for people who need them.’

Bandmate Laura was later reported to have been seen throwing the photo of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs onto the bonfire that local youths had manufactured from Bryan Burnett’s Citroen Saxo. Kenny of Camera Obscura has asked to borrow the video of Apollo 13 once the winners are finished with it.