Crestfallen Dodos Breaking News,

The art of leaving a note is something I have yet to master. Ideally, I want to be read as flexible, nonchalant, informative and hard-working.

A short warning could be read as an order and I would seem too authoritarian or too lazy to carry out the task myself.

I end up composing lengthy, elegant letters to inform the recipient that they shouldn’t worry because I’ve taken a course of action. I worry about portraying myself as a gullible fool who will do all the work; I try hard to prevent myself offering to do more.

I write diligently in my lovely handwriting. I expend thought. I waste time.

I should write, “Job done. Watch out for the leaky roof. Don’t cause fires.”