Calamity Kids,

I dipped into the city of Embra for the first time in a while. I visited the chemistry department at the yooni for a favour from my old supervisor. I miss that place, it felt weird being back. I was also slapped in the face again as I was reminded of the bureaucratic wranglings that prevented me from continuing postgraduate studies there.

I later went down to Fopp, despite my backache, and then on to PC World where I bought a “Notebook PC”. The new computer has stolen a day from me as I had to install this and registered that. I’ve never used a laptop before so I’m very scared, not least because PC World tried to frighten me with everything that could go wrong, in an attempt to get me to subscribe to their after sales support service. I also bought a cordless mouse for the laptop. There was no need to buy a carry case for it, I was given one of those as a Christmas gift two years ago – it was always going to be useful.

I was pretty certain that I wanted to buy the model that I had liked beforehand, but in the shop before asking to buy, I wanted to be convinced. I asked for a complete list of specifications for that model. The assistant couldn’t navigate his way around the PC World website or their internal network to print me out the list. I began to panic; I couldn’t buy a computer from a man who didn’t know how to work one. I didn’t get the list but he did talk me through all the models instore in my price range comprehensively so I did forgive him. I was became really confused because he had bigged-up models other than the one I had planned to purchase. I went away to think. I went back and then went away again to think. I went back a third time and bought it.

The football was very, very good. It was a very good team performance. I’ll never see a more comfortable Champions League victory against a team with such an illustrious name as Benfica. Tea and toast has become a feature of the aftermath of midweek fixtures.

Today has been very boring, setting up a computer, installing a wireless router and the like. These things come with limited paper instructions and impossible packaging. It’s almost as if these products are designed to be broken on unpacking and installation – replacements are one way for the producers to increase their sales.

Whilst online, dealing with all the horrible stuff, I followed the BBC’s text commentary of Andy Murray’s match with Ivan Ljubicic. I thought quite amusing, but that’s probably a symptom of my dreadful sense of humour. They’re often like that. Here’s one of the silly entries in the commentary from a match during Wimbledon:

“1428 BST: Everyone who's anyone in tennis is here today. Jimmy Connors, working for the BBC as an expert summariser, is wearing a bright blue sports jacket and yellow tie featuring an elephant motif - a fantastic effort considering the temperatures courtside.”

If only I could write like that, the question in today’s episode of the Weakest Link would have been “Which B is a term used to describe stomach pains, is a slang term referring to complaints and moans and is a highly influential website penned by a hugely talented journalist?”

I’d also be able to review the CD I purchased from Fopp (boo, hiss) with aplomb. I bought Colours are Brigher: Songs for Children. This album is full of songs by a range of well-known artists compiled by Belle & Sebastian’s Mick Cooke and it’s for charity (boo, hiss). The album’s meant to be songs written and recorded for children but in my opinion that’s too an exclusive label to apply to this compilation.

I love the knob-twiddling on Go Go Ninja Dinosaur by Four Tet ft. Princess Watermelon - it’s got a beat and some great noises.

A Skeleton Bang by Rasputina is fantastic; the cello work is super-jaunty. I'm going to follow up the back-catalogue of this band.

Jackie Jackson is a song about a boy who liked to stuff his face with tasty cakes by Franz Ferdinand. It’s the best thing they’ve ever recorded although it’s probably just a jam they knocked up at the end of band practice or summat.

I believe the effort by Yellow Snow Patrol is a cover version, it’s I Am An Astronaut, again, it’s the best thing they’ve ever recorded.

Neil Hannon has applied his voice and composing skills to the words of AA Milne in Pooh Trilogy, it’s the first song on the album that I found too childish for myself but it’s full of Divine Comedy quality.

The Kooks wrote The King & I for this album. They wrote this for themselves and not children but it’s alright, there might be a subliminal republican rallying call in it somewhere.

Half Man Half Biscuit donated a song called David Wainwright’s Feet, it’s just typical HMHB.

I’ve never heard of The Barcelona Pavilion, evidently they like scaring children, but once the toddlers have stopped crying and settled down, they can be drilled in how to Tidy Up Tidy Up by a kind of electronica/hip-hop-stylee tutor.

Jonathan Richman is probably trying to teach the children about something too in Our Dog is Getting Older Now, it’s dreary, sad and too soon for me.

The Monkeys Are Breaking Out The Zoo is Mick’s first song in charge lead vocals on a Belle & Sebastian. It’s a percussion miracle and primary school music classes up and down the country will be perfecting their versions this week.

Mud by The Ivor Cutler Trio is just another typical example of Ivor’s genius.

The Flaming Lips have a song called The Big Ol’ Bug is The New Baby Now on here, it’s a storybook tale for children, apt to be used to close the end of a school play about a big ol’ bug.

I like the closing song by Kathryn Williams, it’s called Night Baking. It was inspired by her nephew who likes cakes and doesn’t like going to bed. I like an album that winds down towards the end and this lullaby does the job perfectly.