Ogresses who pen Garbled Opuscules,

I've entered my second week as a stewdent at St Andrews yooni. My research area is new to me and I've been wading through the literature. What I've gleaned so far may not make as much sense as it might when I begin work in the lab.

I attended an Induction Day last week, the level of pomposity made many of the talks hard to bare. Some of my fellow new stewdents appear over-pleased with themselves to have made it to St. Andrews but I will always remember that this is an institution that I overlooked when choosing a venue for my undergraduate studies, and this puts the virtues of St. Andrews Yooni in perspective. The people in my school are likeable and I'm thankful for that.

There are a few interesting opportunities on the gig-going front but I can't disclose them because The Bellyaches massive will buy all the tickets before me and it could turn into another Idlewild fiasco.

Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink might be injured for the visit of FC Copenhagen to Celtic Park tomorrow, Craig Beattie ought to be the man to deputise.

Corinne Bacon Roll is releasing another new single but this evil is balanced by the return of satsumas to the supermarket shelves.

If the Roswell incident was real, could George Bush decide to show the world the evidence? Would such an act rule all religion null and void?