Inveiglers of Elusive Charms,

No one really understands my ambitions so it becomes difficult to explain my career aspirations, although I do cope well with the standard interview question, 'Where do you see yourself in 5 years time?' I could say 'I'd like to think about the same amount of thoughts as I do now but about different things.' One of my ambitions is to have my own desk - that would surely beat having an area that I walk or stand most frequently nearby.

I can't be in a situation where I spend all my time either at work or looking for a new job. I'm unsure that my audience sensed it at the time but I felt that I went on a rant about what I thought would or would not solve my predicament. I'm a unique case and I don't feel that anyone can see my point of view. They're not aware of how bold I am willing to be or how restricted I feel.

I've had a few flirtations with companies recently. I had two interviews in one week, nothing came of them, despite both going as well as I could have hoped for. I was disappointed because I thought that an opportunity should have arose from that week alone, I felt so close to change.

I decided to speak to a careers advisor but I left feeling that the only subject they could offer guidance on was becoming a careers advisor. They can only divulge theory, leaflets and internet links. They don't understand the mess the colleague on the previous shift might leave. They don't tell how to mop up floods. They can't advise how to survive nightshift. They can't advise builders how loud to play Rockin' Robin to scare the stewdents as they drive through town in their truck. They can't advise the bus driver on which roads are best to drink Red Bull whilst travelling down. Careers advisors don't know which people will be at which bus stops, therein lies the rub; everyone is doing something different and some are more scared than others.

I did my first assessment centre in the real world. I learned from watching a documentary on SAS recruitment that it's important not to be the 'grey man'. I wasn't sure what to wear so I ironed two shirts and chose on the morning. Ironically, I chose a grey shirt. I decided against a tie as it seemed too funereal. The first group exercise was completely outside my range of knowledge of popular behaviour. My suggestion would be to have a cup of tea. I felt swamped by the opinions of one individual, one woman was being the grey woman and two others were running off at tangents. I decided that they only way to avoid being the grey man was to be the man who would present our findings to the room. The second exercise involved building. I did okay as 'an ideas man' but I felt hampered by my lifelong refusal to bite sellotape.