Young Persons Belonging to Rebellious Counterculture Groups,

In the wake of Barack Obama and Hilary Clinton declaring their intentions to become President of the United States of America, so too am I. As an avid fan of The West Wing and regular listener to KEXP, my credentials are convincing enough. Having said that, I always thought that the only way to solve the Bush versus Gore fiasco was to place both of them in an Air Force One scenario and whoever managed to defeat Gary Oldman would become the president. I don’t think I’d have bothered taking the plane.

As “leader of the free world”, my first act will be quite similar to my predecessor; I will declare war – war upon Jimmy Carr.

Unusually, the first form of cultural comment for days associated with TV. I had put the television on merely for noise (sometimes I don’t like silence), whilst I was reading a book (the forthcoming object of a Bellyaches review). On E4, The 100 Greatest Tearjerkers was being broadcast and, inevitably, hosted by Jimmy Carr. The small section that I saw was in the upper 80s on the chart, it was a man having to put down his dog on Animal Hospital. It was really upsetting. Immediately after the clip, Jimmy Carr appeared and made some really pathetic and insensitive attempt at a joke. It was sickening. I blame Jimmy Carr for the nightmare that I had; it wasn’t about dogs, but I reckon that he screwed up some part of my brain. It was the worst nightmare that I’ve ever had, but I don’t think anyone else would find it so troubling if I was to recount it.

Elsewhere on television, this week’s episode of Never Mind the Buzzcocks was brilliant. Donny Tourette was a guest and he was shown for exactly what he is by Simon Amstell and Bill Bailey. I’ve always loved this programme, I never tired of Mark Lamarr’s pops at the “stars” of the industry and since his resignation, Simon Amstell has been superb; he has carried on in almost exactly the same style. Like Lamarr used to, Simon had a button that piped in a sound effect, this week it was the beginning of Anarchy in the UK – to which, Simon danced the most ridiculous dance. If Donny was really a punk, he’d have walked or retorted to all of the mockery, however, he couldn’t. His humiliation was complete at the end when Bill uttered, “You’re about as punk as Enya.” It’s all there on YouTube.

Finally, BBC Scotland is running adverts for a documentary about Molly Campbell/Misbah Rana called My Name is Misbah. I’m quite bored of the tale of Misbah. I can’t see why this story was ever deemed worthy of international attention. Perhaps, it was worthy of international attention, but I wouldn’t say it was necessary for the Scottish meedja to bother. If Misbah wanted to leave, Scotland should have just cut its losses, if someone doesn’t want to contribute to our society, let them leave. Misbah would have done well to keep her personal life private, but she hasn’t and in years to come, it’s something she’ll probably regret.