Coaches of Introvertive Nursing,

The people in the crossfire are the ones that deserve sympathy.

Arguments are so energetic and efforts of disagreement, yet they can be created by two tired parties. They could be more tolerant and patient, they could try to understand, they should not read too much into accidents. The tension was created by disappointment over a present which didn't arrive. People argue and leave an atmosphere in which the rest of us have to survive. I dived in front of my brother, who had too much Irn-Bru, and saved him from walking into it.

Christmas begun with the hangover of the previous evening. My invitation to partake arrived. Ten years ago, I would have sniped back and joined the arguments. Five years ago, I would have said, 'I'm not interested in arguing.' which was as good as arguing. Now, I left it unanswered.

Adversity can unite people, and here, the infighting ended. My brother found his car had been vandalised in what I presume was a pre-meditated and deliberate attack upon a misidentified target. Wheels stabbed, a tin of paint emptied carefully over its body - this was no random attack. I'd be devastated on a normal day, but although I don't care for Christmas, I knew he was excited and had plans, so I was as sickened as I could be. I wouldn't want such an incident to happen to me and really, he's just the same as me, I guess with innocence, naivety and kindness in place of my acidity.

I didn't help much in the clean-up. I felt like going for a walk. There are perhaps two places for a decent stroll and because the braes are near where I dropped him off at his friends, I headed there. I saw a large black animal as I parked up, had I just made another 'big cat' sighting? As I headed for the coastal path along the top of the sea braes, a huge dog appeared, it had no owner and started following me, from a distance, hiding in the bushes. The dog grew closer. I just wanted peace, I didn't want to be hunted. I went back to the car and went down to the river walk. When being followed, always think of a loop to reach the intended destination that the hunter won't understand or see.

There was little to see by the river, crunching footsteps deterred the birds. A fieldfare, a redwing, some great tits, a reed bunting, three buzzards, a couple of greenfinch and a flock of goldfinch were the ornithological delights I saw before scattering.

The day settled. The police visited later for a statement and that feeling of sickness returned as it did everytime we discussed what happened. I can't cope with Christmas in general, receiving gifts is awkward and can be shameful, but now, we have a new memory - one that has perhaps taught me that what we do is better.

Anthropoids Affable in Affright,

By 1700 hrs, the temperature had plunged to -7 degrees Celsius, the skies were clear and I presumed it would decrease further throughout the night. I noticed that the temperature had increased to -4.5 degrees Celsius as the evening wore on and I went to bed.

Waking in the night, I heard the sound of snow. The sound of snow in the wind is quite distinctive but never commented upon. In the morning, the snow was 3 inches/8 centimetres deep in our sunny seaside town. A freak storm had arrived and deposited its worth.

This is in St. Andrews before the freak dump.This is snow on Kirkcaldy beach.

This is Kirkcaldy under a sky that promised further snow and delivered prolonged showers of snow, hail and rain the next morning.

Melting snow beside a river only he will know

That whisper of cold air through the face and hair is hers

Through mythical measures they come together and understand

That the place for them is kicking leaves in the cobbled lanes

Hurdlers of the Iconoclastic Clarification,

With temperature at -7 degree Celsius, I departed for my own safety. My car windows were frozen on both sides of the glass. As I waited for my car to defrost, I cleared the windows of my colleague's car, but I knew those would probably freeze over again before they gave up on work. The lovely thing about snowy weather is that it concentrates the eye and it's possible to see rarer birds as they search for sustenance. Of course, I don't rejoice in their plight. I'm just remarking upon the large flocks of blackbirds, fieldfares, redwings and thrushes that I see notice on these winter mornings.

The modest me was depressed by the bookstore. The modest me was depressed by the post office. I wonder if a generation of brains will be lost. One man sang, 'I stopped and waited for progress but I can't accept it all.'

A kettle was stolen/removed. I couldn't believe it. I can't handle the concept and I'd prefer the idea of a ghost.

Bacon discussed capital punishment. He was right, the only way to avoid mistakes is to continue its proscription. I wondered if there was a middle ground deterrent, but I doubt it. Putting someone in the stocks and lobbing moulding lettuces at them is medieval and hardly fitting of the crimes discussed.

The televised leadership debate is not a franchise that should have been agreed to. I think politicians should have been given more exposure before now. Continued communication with our representative and potential replacements rather than ignorance before a televised showpiece would inform the public better and allow them to make smarter choices. Celebrity culture has forced politics into a seedy background where they can't be seen so they can't be trusted. Celebrity culture has killed transparency by cloaking politics in a veil of ignorance.

Alan Johnson said that the force with which home owners fend off burglars has to be proportional. I wonder what 'proportional' is. A home owner surely wouldn't want to engage in unarmed combat, if they lost, they lose everything and endanger themselves. If they fought hand-to-hand and won, the burglar might run and they would preserve their possessions. If they fought hand to hand and only left the burglar stunned or injured in their house, that is surely a dangerous situation - the police would have to arrive before a recovery, it's a risk people might not take, finishing them off in a Streets of Rage-stylee would legally be 'excessive force'. The house owner is apparently protected by the current laws and making a false issue of this is a waste of our time and attention. I'm sure many people have imagined what they'd do in this situation, I guess I'd instinctively arm myself with a deskchair, a table lamp or a racquet.

I am always struck by Zorbing by Stornoway. When it begins, I immediately anticipate One Horse Town by The Thrills, a good record but nowhere near as pure as Zorbing.

Sanguine, Sardonic and Separable Servants,

With the snow on the ground and the emptying car park, a foreboding hollowness of finality was felt. I arrived at yooni on noon, having chosen to work at home whilst other cars paved my way through the snow during the morning. The snow lay an inch deep at home and I knew from my journey home the previous evening that crossing Largo Law was treacherous.

I spent some time in the office before my final shift as a demonstrator in the teaching labs. The task is one that I’ve enjoyed doing throughout the years, it’s a period of respite from everyday work that allows me to do something different, to keep in touch with some areas of chemistry that I don’t get to visit much more and to learn at the same time as the stewdents. I think I’d have done the job if it wasn’t paid, although in recent years, having marking added to my workload has arguably made the wage more deserved.

Although I’ve had a good bunch of stewdents, this term was a little difficult at first, it turned out that I was not really a demonstrator, I was in charge but once I came to terms with this and the class’ independence and confidence grew, we managed splendidly. Some people are naturally more confident, some have more experience than others depending on the schools they came from. Some have to be supervised carefully at first and some will ask all manners of non-question. The most rewarding part is to see people progress week by week; during the last afternoon, the stewdents barely required my aid, I suppose the afternoon was characterised by light-hearted chatter and everyone finishing up well before the end of the session.

I had an uncertain view of demonstrators as a stewdent. I would want them to be there immediately if I was in doubt but out of sight otherwise. I thought some were lazy, some were meddlesome, some were incompetent and some were unclear so I always had that in my mind and I think I was the kind of demonstrator that I would have liked to have; relaxed, helpful, approachable and most importantly, patient. I think my patience surpassed what was expected by some. The toughest part of the job was marking reports and explaining to the stewdents why certain things were wrong. In general, they acted upon my advice. Being sympathetic helps but it is difficult when a stewdent is disappointed with a mark such as 14/20 and in extreme cases, 19/20.

Hopefully, the teaching experience helps in the future. I have more people skills than I care to admit, my highlight of the experience came during a session off. I agreed to swap a shift with a colleague but I had to visit the lab in order to give the class their reports. On this visit, members of the class greeted me and also complained about my replacement and called them ‘grumpy and unwilling to help’, knowing this person quite well, I was surprised but only too happy to take this as a feather in the cap.

The picture is from Your Pictures, there is some wonderful photographs in there that I like to gaze wistfully upon from time to time.

Quiescents Forced to Tamper,

Time and temperature are the only weapons. I chose time but, by the end, I had lost all sense of it. For three weeks, I was committed to another period of intensive work, maximising the work carried out in the limited time allowed with the apparatus. I was working alongside my successor but after a while, cabin fever set in. I think I’d have become agitated alongside anyone.

I’m pretty good at filtering out noise and voices but it was music that caused the greatest discomfort. As I tended to arrive first or be present most, I’d sometimes choose to put some music on. If my colleague came in, sometimes I’d pause the music in order to talk to him or perhaps I’d pause it if I thought we should concentrate, but whenever I did so, he took this as a prompt to slap on his radio station of choice. In three weeks, I heard 5 songs I approved of (Grandaddy, Badly Drawn Boy, two Talking Heads numbers and one which the DJ failed to inform me off). I have reached my quota of Stereophonics for this century and I don't think Florence and the Machine should be getting off lightly either - I preferred Bertha. I didn’t comment as tensions were already high. Results weren’t forthcoming and we were already two people with opposing styles. In a time of success and joy, I am on guard. In a time of crisis, I remain positive. That was all I had, if I was to let his sigh grind such hope and optimism, there’d be nothing. I chose time, he chose temperature. In the end, we arrived at some minor successes but they were perhaps half of what we might have achieved as individuals.

This incarceration has caused me to lose all sense of time and in a way, I am still decompressing. I make decisions on a day-by-day basis.

The Gemenids meteor shower reminded me of how things are. I just seem to value different things from those around me.

The song that seems to resonate at the minute is A Dance to Half Death by The Second Hand Marching Band. The choir end with a haunting verse

I watch you smile at the camera,
Your lips, your eyes, your sweet smile,
and all the while, and all the while,
I am bound to forget you.

I watch you walk down the corridor,
Your finger trails along the wall,
and all I can think of is why
I won’t forget you

The paradox is something which hooks my attention. If I have misheard the lyrics (it’s ‘will or won’t in the last line), I prefer the paradox and I’m stuck on it. It’s a catastrophe yet to happen.