Vintage Musicologists of Reduced Authority,

The first and, apparently, final album by The Royal We arrived through my letterbox some time last week. Domino have become rather lackadaisical in their shipping recently, I used to enjoy ordering directly from their website in order to have the item arrive sharply and wallow in the free gubbins they include, but even these have declined in quality. I'm hoping that any passing recording artists on the Domino label (Hiiiii Alex) can have a word.

I first mentioned The Royal We in a Bellyaches article of September 2006. Since then, more people have said stuff about them, they've been on the radio a few times (I was probably quite influential in the arrangement of one of the appearances), they've released a single, All the Rage, and made an album.

The album is self-titled. It has 8 tracks. It lasts 20 minutes and 26 seconds. It's front cover features the Nicolas Anelka goal celebration. It's back cover shows the band sitting on a staircase. I could describe more but all The Bellyaches massive will all own a copy of this album anyway (or else they will be expulsed from the fraternity).

The Royal We are a rickety mess: the singing isn't quite harmonious, the tempo is all over the shop and that flamin' violin screeches all the way through. I love them and I hope they extend this ramshackle beauty into all their future projects (Sexy Kids, Correcto etc).

All the Rage has that special Scottish sound, just as the catchy "ooh-ooh-ahh" kicks in, the bassline is distinctively Scottish - it's just something Scottish bands do. Indie fans will be hard pressed to find a violin played so furiously and the fact that BBC 6music DJ Marc Riley could recite the verse when posed a question by a listener proves how penetrative this tune is.

That Ain't My Sweet Love, like a few others, could easily have been done by Blondie, it's perfect pop. Jihae is a great frontwoman, it's a shame that most of the world may never know it.

Three is a Crowd features some more of those quality backing vocals. I find that Joan uses her violin as if it was percussion, it's a somewhat novel sound.

My favourite song is I Hate Rock N Roll, a song that lambasts silly, egotistical lead singers. The backing vocals are the main feature and I love how Jihae sings "stop, drop and roll" and then suddenly, Patrick struggles to shout from the back, "there's a fire on". It's magic.

We may never hear their like again, all we have is this 2o minutes of recording to cherish.

Filliping Civilians in Terror,

Finally, it's here. Gang culture is now on my doorstep.

As usual, I played football on Friday evening. I managed to loosen up the worn joints to get through it quite smartly. Afterwards, I was dropped off close to home, at the bottom of the cul-de-sac where I live, and unfortunately, right in the middle of a battle. They numbered 50 or 60 and there were more in cars following our warriors. There was one lot to the right and one lot to the left, there was the car I was getting out of. I scarpered up to my house.

Living in a cul-de-sac has its advantages: parking that is virtually offstreet, a bit of street to play in (those days are now gone) and the neighbours should find it easier to unite. In this case, I was able to retreat with my life and watch the various factions tear back and forth with their iron bars, knives and missiles. They made a terrible racket. It was one "YOUNG TEEM" versus the other - sadly, I am a duffer and uneligible.

The police station phonelines were engaged. I assume the other neighbours were reporting this scene also. The police arrived after 30 minutes of warfare. Someone could have been killed in that time. It's true that the police might be busy, I wouldn't have thought it would be hard to keep track of such a big group, especially when they were making so much noise and stopping traffic.

These Young Teems have been in operation for quite a while, but it's only now that they're marauding the streets so blatantly. I suggest that in the summer months, they can fight on the playing fields or the wild land and now, like moths, they have followed the lights to civilisation.

I proposed in my previous article that people should walk more and recapture the streets. Having been in amongst the battle, this is obviously an unattractive solution. There are obviously many people who can be blamed; the police, the politicians, the educators and, most importantly, the parents. It will take a death before someone takes decisive action.

It's anarchy out there.

Pedal Pushing Vigilantes,

Fuel prices have been high for years now but there is an idiosyncratic cycle of public awareness of this. There is outrage, nothing happens and then there is acceptance, then suddenly there is outrage before acceptance. Occasionally, the supermarkets instigate a price war and drop their costs by a penny or two.

I used to think that fuel prices should be high in order to encourage people to stop burning hydrocarbons for the sake of the environment. Now, I know that that’s not the case. The government are taking the money because they can and because it won’t come from anywhere else.

Radio Scotland is a top radio station. I like listening to Morning Extra, it’s a phone-in show featuring duffers ranting. The host, Gary Robertson, does really well to cope with the ill-thought out diatribe every morning. The duffers don’t speak in sentences and usually just utter words, “taxes…yobs…dirt…government”. I find it quite amusing. Yesterday’s topic for discussion was fuel prices, I got taken in. I began to drive slower and I parked further from my workplace to conserve fuel. I am too easily influenced.

Anyway, the solution to the environmental damage caused by emissions, the financial cost of running a car and CRIME is to walk more. People need to begin walking more, they need to take back the streets from the neds. More people on the streets, and not driving by in their cars, will eventually lead to a situation of self-policing. Of course, a concerted effort would be required and I don’t suppose many of the fat slobs, who would undoubtedly be really effective against the neds, will be joining me soon.